in her eyes.

a torn page.
DRIP

She keeps crying. But she doesn't know why. Everything's just so perfect. But everytime; something just has to pop up. Will this simple heart break and melt away like all the others? It's impossible to live a perfect life; she thought to herself. If everything was amazing for a day; she'd kiss the feet of her sworn enemy. If love had a meaning. If love was an essential for everyone; would the world become better? All the shame and all the embarrassment in the world. Mixed feelings. She tried so hard; just to convince herself that everything's going to be okay. She looks at the world; at how people think it's crazy and just fucking stupid to commit suicide. Life's taking a really big turn; and she's done nothing wrong. In the dim light of a candle; she sits alone. Hoping that one day; she'll find her peace and that she'll find her rights. She just lets the day go on; where other people enjoy and scream out loud. She knows people will think she's stupid; and just damn emotional. Some would even think she's just lame; wasting her time. But do they know how this little heart feels. She's trying to change; but she doesn't want to. What should she do. She doesn't want to lose everything that she has.

Which in real life;

is nothing.


If the sun shined on her
She would still be alive
If the rain hadn't been so hard on her
She'd be able to smile
She wasn't a loser
A freak; An ass
She wasn't bullied
Wasn't hurt; killed
If her one true friend
Hadn't been so conservative
Hadn't been hiding all alone
She wouldn't have ended up here
If she had shown up
Instead of hide in a stupid corner
All day long
Just to watch her tears
Drip drip drip

6.51

today;
was FUN.
LOLS.

um firstly in the morning.
okay this was irritating.
GRRR.
i was supposed to meet FAZ at eleventhirty at AMK station.

then JENNA got bored at home;
so she wanted to tag along.
i waited at yishun mrt station for a good twenty minutes;
till around eleventhirtyfive.

and i thought FAZ was already at AMK.
and since FAZ didn't have a handphone;
that meant waiting for me without knowing where i was.
so when queen jenna finally arrived;
i was about to scold her buckets full;
i got a call from sufiandi.

"Nicole; kau kat mane?"

har? yishun mrt lahhs.
and he started walking towards me.

he was wearing huge sunglasses.
a side-bag; an oversized t-shirt
a pair of jeans and a belt.

errrmmm.
not the usual sufiandi you would see.
but his hair made him look HOT.
but yeah; that's about it.
well even though he looked kinda gay,
he looked so much better!
and he was like;

"I saw your other friend."

i was thinking; FAZ?
and the three of us walked all the way to the other end and POOF.
there was FAZ.
oh GOD.
FAZ was just as late!
if queen jenna had come earlier;
we would have been waiting for FAZ.
GRRRR. double GRRRR.

anyways then we borded the MRT which wasn't really full. hahas.
we dropped at AMK;
whereas sufiandi continued to BUGIS.
(so damn fcking fun rightttt??? GRRR.)

so wells i went to school to hand up my SL form lahhs.
then we went to eat; the three of us.
blahblahblah.
then this queen jenna wanted to meet king gabriel chia.
so we met him; and she pang seh me!!!
$$%^^&*#

okay whatever lahs. then me and FAZ went to LARA's crib.
got this STEFANO and his friend lahs. errr.
anyways then they left and we SCREAMED LIKE GIRLS when LARA & STEFANO hugged!!!
(wait; we ARE girls. okay =.-)

then at 3.45pm
there was this reality ghost thing on the phillipines channel.
and well POLA screamed all the way
AND INTO MY EAR!
ahahaha!!!!!
but i still love her and normally i'd get irritated with screaming people;
but her screams somehow dont bother me.
LOLs!
<3 her.



and there was this freakish part where EVEN FAZ screamed!
lol.
so funny sia.

anyways then i had to go home and look at this pic;


potbellied geeks.
it works, doesnt it.
(:

anyways well thats all fer today.
sighs.

ohyeahhs.
gotta tell you bout this particular someone.
i dont hate her la;
(its not about the one i used to write about. its someone else (: )

but sometimes she thinks she's on top of the world.
and she boasts like nobody's business.
LOL.
damn funny how you turn around and people's rolling eyes at her.
HAHAHA.
and well sometimes she disses you.
and she expects YOU to give in.
what the heck?
hahaha.
im not angry at her.
but i think she's a REAL COMIC CHARACTER.
she's like fcking funny lah.
see how she thinks she's the best.
my toes can laugh. (((:
and for people who know who im talking about;
you know what i mean!

so takecare peeps!

moneylahhs

HELLO.
today went visiting again!
went to nikita's friend's house.
her friend and the sister and the brother so sweet lahhs.
i miss seeing them in primary school.
sob; makes me think of all the fun i had then.
sigh.
anyways nikita's friend;
TOETY(:
was like; playing with beads.
and no one was layan-ing her;
cos everyone was into nikita's gameboy.
so i just sat with her and she asked me to make my own.
so here she is;



and here's the whole thing;


yup. quite FUN lahhs.
makes me think of me when i was younger. ahahas.
anyways yup that's it.
the food was TERRIFIC lahhs.

anyways yesterday went to my mum's friend's house.
err; the void deck was scary.
all the gangs were there;
and they looked at me like donno look at what.
errrr. okay.

and i got obssesed with my camera again.

oh yeahs
i collected my grandma frm the airport yesterday.
ohh i love her soooooo very the much!



and how far would ppl go to steal an NTUC trolley??



sigh.
anyways jenna & kim introduced me to this virtual thing.
club penguin.
heres me fishing.



and here's the bloody irritating shark.


and well this was difficult.

and wells..


yeahs
and heys todays THE ANNIVERSARY.
ILU honey.

takecare peeps.

todaytoday

wow. today's gonna be boring.
don't know why.
and for those wondering why
"i change my blogskin like changing clothes"
is because i get bored.
yeah? and now i changed it again because
"it's hard to read"

yeahs? =)
uhhuhs.

kk and today i just fell madly in love with JASON EARLES;
from hannah montana.



okay that's just so blur.
but you get who he is.
and we share the same birthday!

ahahas.



ohwells.
alright my dad just got this new pool table. or billard.
whatever.
and well i played with almost everyone.
and well i won twice.
ahaha.

i taught my maid to play thens.

uhh yeahs.
not that all professional.


and i tried to scare the shit out of her.
and make her lose



okay then i ran to the kitchen.
hungry lahhs.

damn "the photographer" who kept taking pics of me.
SCREW YOU. ahahaha.


and chocolate makes me go crazy.
so you know what to get me as a gift. mwahaha.

okay then after another game;
i stopped. tired lah.


and just for the record;


emoass

ok ok and as u people know my bestfrend lara (and faz and everyone);
she's always asking me to do these surveys. lol.
but i just wanna say lara; if you're reading this;
I LOVE YOU! haha ok ok

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Name thirteen classmates who comes straight to your mind. Don't cheat and read the questions underneath first.
2. Answer all the questions.
3. Afterwards, tag six people to do the same.

CLASSMATES
1. Kimberley
2. Tammy
3. Jenna
4. Jennifer
5. Ian
6. Ke Jun
7. Amala
8. Shwu Tyng
9. Melvin
10. Nelson
11. Jian Keat
12. Winarti
13. Poh Ee


QUESTIONS
1. How did you meet 10?
1st day of school in the same class. umm yeah.

2. What would you do if you had never met 1?
I would never be happy-go-lucky.

3. What would you do if 6 and 2 dated?
Tammy and KJ??? if they dated then Jenna & Ryan would be a couple. (:

4. Have you seen 4 cried?
nope. she's one who never cries. (:

5. Do you think 10 is cute?
yes!!!! ahahaha.

6. How did you get to know 8?
umm don't know don't remember ahs?

7. Would you ever go on a date with number 12?
um no. we're just friends and i'm no more les.

8. What's 7's favourite colour?
blue!! or green. i forgot.

9. What would you do if 6 confessed he/she loves you?
I'll be; "if this happened last time; i'll be jumping. but now, let's stay godsibs." (: im taken lerhs. wahhaas.

10. State a fact about 9.
he's like darn cute lahs.

11. Who is 4 going out with?
BOB; i think. mwahahaas.

12. Who is number 5 to you?
my friend, my classmate, yeah!

13. Would you ever live with 13?
hm, why not?

14. Is 2 single?
um for now yeah. but give her 3 days and she'll go running back to her ex. ((((:

15. What do you think about 3?
she keeps going "KORRR..."

16. What's the best thing about number 8?
She keeps pinching me. and yes, that IS THE BEST THING about her. =DDD

17. What do you like about number 11?
um nothing. he's racist. =P screw you.

18. Favourite memory with 6?
When he told me that loving someone is seeing them happy; not whether they love you too. yeahs.

PEOPLE I TAGGED
1. Ke Jun
2. Shawn
3. Jenna
4. Jennifer
5. Vincent
6. Jovina

AND A SECOND ONE ALSO FROM THIS LARA.

7 random facts about me

- im loving band.
- deyi secondary's fun. (not)
- i would cry everyday if my bestfriends died.
- My BESTFRIENDS for LIFE is none other than LARA and FAZ.
- im fcking emotional.
- i love my special someone.
- i love jason earles.

7 things that scare me

- God
- cockroaches
- losing LARA
- losing FAZ
- losing SHARIE
- losing all my friends
- talking about the pasts.

7 people/things i fancy

- my life.
- my family
- GOD.
- my classmates.
- my bestfriends & friends.
- my boyfriend.
- my handphone.

7 things i say the most

- like what sia
- go and die lah
- i love you
- anything lah. *famous for this*
- up to you. *again, famous for this*
- lek ah. (or relax lah.)
- heys.

7 things i like the most

- handphone
- mp3
- camera
- bed
- chocolates
- best friends
- life

7 people to do this

Sharie
Jenna
Jennifer
Shawn
Ke Jun
Shwu Tyng
Kally

yay done!

hey!
look what i found!!!
these were done some time ago, around a month or so?
but i forgot all about it. gosh.
they're just vids lahhs.
lol.
not all that great; 'cos i wasn't really in the mood at that time.
well better ones coming lahh.
lol.

here's the bad memories one.
sob.



i did this fer nothing!
they're not changing anymore!
but im like; damn happy.
lara's the bestest best friend a girl can have. (:



and here's the freaking 109 one.


LOLs.
that was crap. but i got loads more to share;
which are, uhm better lahs.
but im too lazy now.

and i played IMVU.

first i was upset acutally.



and this idiot didnt console me.



in the end he came and talked. like, FINALLY.



and well..


um that was weird.
and well in the end.


we amused ourselves;
ohwells. (:
happy again.

vids

hey!
look what i found!!!
these were done some time ago, around a month or so?
but i forgot all about it. gosh.
they're just vids lahhs.
lol.
not all that great; 'cos i wasn't really in the mood at that time.
well better ones coming lahh.
lol.

here's the bad memories one.
sob.



i did this fer nothing!
they're not changing anymore!
but im like; damn happy.
lara's the bestest best friend a girl can have. (:



and here's the freaking 109 one.


LOLs.
that was crap. but i got loads more to share;
which are, uhm better lahs.
but im too lazy now.
takecare ppl.

heck of a long post.

HEY!
this is gonna be one heck of a long post, baby!
=.-
well it is.

let's start way before hari raya.
umm..
19th OCTOBER 2006.

went out with all cousins;
including those who just arrived from america.
first we went to WILD WILD WET.
YIPEE;
but that meant getting up at SIX A.M.
here's my girl EZA;


okay blahblah blublu.
then we were darn tired after that;


yeahyeahyeah
teehee.
then i went over to their place where we ate and got ready to go out AGAIN.
went to esplanade;
where there was a dance marathon or something.


yahahas.
well thats kinda all for that day.
was dead beat.
ohhyeahh the night before;
i fell asleep while smsing shahari.
OOOPS.

anyways;
ummm...
23rd OCTOBER 2006.
went to geylang with my cuz and tammy.
tammy followed us for hari raya, see.



okay nothing much to say;
but now HARI RAYA!!! yay!


tammy was still asleep.
SNORE.

kk anyways; here are some pics.
me and johnathan ai'zuddin;
my american cousin.
i call him DinDin.


mind the unready faces.

umm here's my two other american cousins.

love their accent.
syazwan & syazlan. =D
love 'em.


yupyup.
tamz and me. muacks.

then everyone came over to my house!!!
here's me, dindin and ashyddiq.


well, half of shyddiq.
here's the full.

yeahhs.
then everyone took turns playing PS.

um wells then went to my cousin's house.



okay there's just something wrong with this pic.


my constipated face.
WHATEVER.
okay anyways got ALOT OF MONEY.
teehheeeeee.

kkk.
YESTERDAY
followed kimmy to do her BRACES!

okay shit-face. (me lar, kim.)
jenna went too!
okay we went to eat at KFC and JENNA AND KIM claims that
I CAN'T EAT PROPERLY, and that MY MOUTH GOT HOLE.
so what did they do?

cheese.
lol.
whatever LAHHH.
k then we went to follow kim do her braces.


and yesterday i came up with the most STUPIDEST idea ever.
walk in the rain at orchard road.
i said;
"WE DONT GET TO DO THIS ALL THE TIME"
and so we did and taadaa.


kim's drying her shoe!

OHYEAH.
now i realise i'm the only one among them not really bothered by my hair.
look.


i left my phone in a cubicle, which i remembered much later and ran all the way back to the toilet to find it safe on the toilet paper dispenser. LOL.


kim's skirt is as short long as jenna's!!



YIPEE. re-united at last. =DDD
i love!!!

that picture reminds me of the game of monopoly in class.

and that's happy jennifer when she bought the house and people went;
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

and this photo is dedicated to JENNA TEH ZHEN LE;


yay.
okay i just wanna display some of my emogoth pics that kinda suck.



okay whatever.
takecare peeps.
=DDD


and today im just FUCKING pissed with this particular someone who just made my HARI RAYA and days after that suck to the fucking core. and now lara's changing school. could life get any worse? i feel like screaming again. i don't care anymore. my life's fucked up. because of that fucking someone, my life's just got so fucking shitty. ASSHOLE. shoot your mouth off you ASS. don't tell lies bout people 'cos there's something called fucking karma. I HATE YOU. and because of you relations and ties may BREAK JUST LIKE THAT. oh God, forgive me for my words. but i just can't take it. THATS WHY IM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR ANY FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE. fuckfuckfuck. and this has to happen on one of my most happiest months ever. and to make it even more worse, ive been waiting but nothin's happening. details spared; but i will NEVER forget this particular someone who just makes my life worse every single day. i stood up to you, hoping to get my rights. but no, you had to put me through SO MUCH SHIT. and now you're giving me even more SHIT. FUCKU. arent all the trouble you've caused me ENOUGH? what the fuck is wrong with you? you're defenseless, fucker. get that RIGHT. i put up with you to find that you're just a FAKE, like that other person. but at least that other person's nicer than you, you &#&%&$&%*#^Y*$(%@((&@%&$%*@$*%%$*%^@$^ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate you and it's gonna remain this way. FUCKU.